sharath in conference at ayny, in short

Sorry, this will not be conference "notes". I am not good at that sort of thing, and though I appreciate them when I read them from other people's blogs, I don't feel like it is right somehow to take notes or report what was said. That said, I am glad I went, not so much for the talk or Q and A, but for the feeling in the room when Sharath, Saraswati and Sriddha (spelling?) arrived. I don't know if it was the spirit of Guruji, who I never met, coming through them, or Sharath and Saraswati's own spirits, or just the general sense of the people in the room coming together to be present at this talk, or all three. For me, it was moving.

I would have taken a photo of the packed room before the talk (again, I feel weird about taking photos during a talk..) but as luck would have it, I left my phone at work yesterday. This is my new absentmindedness caused from too much to do at work, a new not quite functioning computer system, and a new coworker. Clearly my brain has yet to adjust. Better to forget my phone than lose my metrocard, like I did repeatedly last year.

Other highlights included the little girl behind me who, every so often, came back to her parents to say, I love you mommy. So sweet. As also was seeing Sriddha offering light (holding a tray of candles and flowers) to everyone, including the little kids in back, at the end of the "short" (are there any short pujas?) naming ceremony for the siva temple at the shala. The naming ceremony itself reminded me of attending synagogue on major jewish holidays..lot of chanting in a language I don't really know, but some familiar words here and there.

I really like it when parents bring their kids to these events. It reminds me that yoga is not just what we practice on the mat, that family is just as important a lineage to maintain.

I got to spy over someone's shoulder to see Sharath's book. Looks like a modernized and streamlined yoga mala, without the religion, and with new photos. The theraputic section covered poses like cat/cow and maybe alternate nostril breathing. Doubt there will be books left by Saturday when I go to the led primary here. Jois yoga in Greenwich won't ship the book either.

Lastly, I really need to learn to edit when I write these, egads, embarrassing.

nine lives

Last week, I started reading Nine Lives, the Search for the Sacred in Modern India, by William Dalrymple. Highly recommended. He re-tells the life stories of nine different people he has met and interviewed in India, each of whom follows a different religious practice. Some of the stories are quite poignant if not outright moving. Two stories really stand out for me thus far. The first chapter relates the story of a wandering Jain nun, Mataji, who is ritually starving herself to death, after the death of her friend and travelling companion, because she was still too attached to her. Her story gave a poignant view of the austerity and beauty of the Jain religion.

The other story that I found quite moving was that of a Tibetan monk, Passang, who gave up his vows for 30 years or so, first to fight the Chinese in Tibet, and then as a member of the Indian army. His story is so complicated emotionally and philisophically, apparently there is a history of monks renouncing vows to fight to defend the faith, a type of Tibetan warrior deity/protectors (like what you see in their art)..although the dali lama focuses on the ahimsa inherent to Buddhism. The monk questions whether once a monk, he ever really could have renounced his vows, and what the effects of his participating in the army, in war, and in killing other people, and now his constant repentance of those acts, will have on the rest of his life, his chances at forgiveness, his death and his rebirth. Furthermore, he was one of the monks who escorted the dali lama out of Tibet.

yamantaka, slayer of death, image taken from here

The stories that I have most enjoyed are of people who have a compelling tale to tell..the author's writing about the places and history is decent, but I am not as interested in that sort of writing as a rule.

Best book on religion that I have read this year.

click here

dropping back, day 2

Maybe dropping back is a bit of a misnomer..it's more of an arching back with arms crossed and inhaling back up. I can't remember if I saw the floor today. Very weird disorienting feeling, as I have no idea where my body is in space. Prasarita C invokes a similar feeling for me, as I cannot judge where my hands are in relationship to the floor (closer than I think, though the floor could still be as far as the moon for all I can tell) while touching the floor (assisted) with my hands can feel super disorienting. First time gave me thoughts that I was touching the ceiling not the floor. With dropping back, it feels falling back. Except that my quads are already getting sore after 2 days. I could feel the connection (and more often, the lack of connection) of my feet to the floor.

In my feldenkrais training, much of what we do is work on the floor trying to feel where stuff is happening in our bodies, in space, and how the skeleton is affected by movement. What I have learned is that my brain likes to play tricks on me - movement of my shoulder blade downwards towards my feet can feel like it is the opposite direction or the leg that should feel longer actually feels shorter (this is apparently a common thing to feel). Learning to sit with the confusion about what you are sensing and feeling in your body (believe me, it's not obvious at all...) is a practice. My teachers say that confusion and anxiety feel similar to the nervous system, and that it is easy to replace confusion with anxiety, something I have definitely done over and over in this training and in my life.

stand up

Yes, the dreaded (wink) dropbacks have started. I thought I was safe from starting this til summer, perhaps, having gotten setu only a couple weeks ago. Ah, what do I know. So far, it is more odd than scary. Just learning to exhale back and inhale up and forward, no going to the floor (whew!) with my teacher to support me. Really hard to breathe, even doing just this, and hard to give some of my weight to my teacher..this is a real exercise in trust..I found I didn't dread or hate this at all. (we'll see about tomorrow, as today the element of surprise definitely helped) In the past, I have had very emotional reactions to backbends on my own, and to upward dogs in the opening suryas. Since getting setu, they seem to be on the wane. One other positive- I get the paschimattanasana squish now! I can't really believe yet that I can learn to drop back and come back up on my own, but who knows. There are a whole lot of other things I can do now that I would not have imagined.

I am also working on what I call the sideways bellyflop. It is the vinyasa out of marichasana A. On the right side, I can lift up, get stuck (and drop my foot) at the point where I am supposed to hook my foot behind my arm, then sort of scoot/jump/plop back in a completely tilted fashion, landing on my stomach. After this, I am pretty much done for, so the other side is worse, even though it is my stronger side. I know somehow my free elbow is supposed to support my torso for the jump back..but it seems to be a bit of a puzzle getting it there at all, let alone not running out of steam in the process. Plus I have a lot of fear because early asymmetrical jumpbacks from bakasana did not do nice things to my shoulders. This promises months and months (minimum) of  flopping around. To be honest, I sort of dread working on it..my mind goes..oh no, it's the "bellyflop" coming up when I am in janu C.

I am also recovering from a really fried brain from too much feldenkrais the past 3 weekends. The first 2 weekends were part of my training, which had the usual ups and downs. Last weekend, I tried to listen to as much of the audio for a few days that I missed, as I could manage. Turned out to be all about turning and lengthening the leg in the hip socket (and turning the pelvis about the femur). Very challenging, as most of the lower body lessons are for me. Somehow, something in my feet and legs does not connect well to my brain. Three ATM lessons later, I could begin to feel how my entire spine is affected when I turn my leg to lengthen it. One of the things I really enjoy about feldenkrais method is how you come to realize that your whole body is involved in every action, even a simple one - say lying on your back and raising your arms overhead. Too much of a good thing, leads to partial brain shutdown, however. By Saturday, I was so fried, that I tried to cook sesame seeds for breakfast, thinking they were steel cut oats (and wondering for over an hour why on earth they would not cook right..egads).

march madness

No, not the basketball kind, if that is still going on. Some sports fan I would be.


Finally starting to feel like spring here. no more snow, though there was a little patch holding on, on my block, as of monday..somehow the snow sticks around longer in my neighborhood. sometimes i think it is some sort of chemically engineered snow with  a higher melting point. Hmm, maybe I don't want to think too much about that.
I finished reading Sputtnik Sweetheart by Murakami. Definitely my favorite of his books, thus far. The very palpable feeling of longing in this story was quite moving, an emotion I normally don't associate with Murakami. I always wonder if the translations really don't do his writing much justice. Debating whether to start IQ84 next, or stick with something shorter.
Happy moon day. 



I haven't felt much like blogging lately. Too much to do at work, and another feldenkrais training session last week, as well as not wanting to blog about practice. Ironic, since I am back at full primary since I last wrote. I think it has been a couple weeks since I got setu again (it is much much less scary this time), and I can now do urdhva mukha paschimattanasana on my own. I think I discovered today how to bind my feet more easily in supta K - scoot my right shoulder under my leg rather than try to force my leg past my shoulder..I did this today, and my feet bound right away. For a while, I have been making a huge effort to bind..and tiring my legs out in the process. It's much easier to move the shoulder out of the way of the leg than to lift the leg over the shoulder when I am transitioning from kurmasana to supta K. Seems so obvious now. I feel like it is all the feldenkrais I did this past week that made me try it the other way, as doing feldenkrais lessons tends to make me more attentive and creative in how I try to move. It reminds me that forcing my body to do something won't work well, but that a more indirect route might work really well. 

A day at the beach

beach at the hamptons.

Last week, I rode out to the hamptons to field measure a house for a new client. We stopped for a few minutes to look at the water on the way back. The smell of the salt air is the best best thing ever. I prefer the beach in the off season.

Practice this week has felt like a day at the beach..easier mentally, though never easy, per se. I feel like I have passed the brunt of my mercury retrograde work/living space/future planning crisis, for now. That stuff took up so much energy all the time. I am trying to pare down a few things..like less time online at home, to make up for having less time off.

A few firsts this week - made it up from bhuja without pushing off the ground with my feet! I did it by accident yesterday (as most of my firsts happen this way..), made it back up, feet only grazing the floor and burst into a big smile. The trick for me seemed to be to not let the feet touch the ground-as in giving my weight to the ground. Brushing the ground with my feet seemed ok. And the next one is pretty obvious...at the end of 5 breaths..inhale UP. My best shot is to come up right away (well, it still takes a breath or two..but I am trying to get this to happen faster). I did it again today, and with less feet brushing of the ground.

My other first- I rolled up into urdhva mukha paschimattanasa.- on my own. Complete shock, as I have felt completely stuck at 90% of the way up for a while now. I held my feet nearer to my toes, and this gave me the extra room to roll up. So it seems. Or perhaps, it was just that I didn't have any expectations about what was going to happen, when I started. My first attempt was very close, and I realized I could do it..and on the second attempt, I made it all the way up. I may miss the flopping around. Who knows. If I can repeat it tomorrow..that will be interesting, since today I was nursing a sore shoulder and going at half force on the vinyasas (trying to anyway)..doing less is always my hardest practice of all.

The Gleaners and I

I recently watched Agnes Varda's The Gleaners and I. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. She documents people who still glean in the fields after the harvest, as well as those who glean in other ways...and the film is her way of gleaning as well. Likewise, this blog is my attempt at gleaning knowledge, wisdom, or perhaps just a sense of humor, from my yoga practice. In the movie, I loved the heart shaped potatoes that she finds at one point, rejected and left for the 'gleaners' to take.

        at the farmers' market today

At the end of this clip, you can see the filmmaker playfully posing as a gleaner, next to a famous painting of a gleaner. Oh, how I would like to be like her when I am old.





agnes varda as a gleaner....