floor 1, nose 0

My nose collided with the floor today, attempting the bakasana exit from bhuja...I don't think I broke anything, but definitely bruised from it. Nothing like whacking your face during led to make me feel like a little kid again, I wanted someone to tell me it would be ok, and even wanted to pack it in and go home to new York. Though in class I only sat out kurmasana and supta k, til I could get the bleeding to mostly stop. Lucky me, I had a front and center spot so no going to the women's changing to check it. I do wonder if I should have stopped...but done is done.

Also wondering what my alternatives are to ice here for the swelling and bruising. Yes, yoga can be dangerous, but mostly to my ego.

mysore, week 2

It's already about halfway through my time here.

I am amazed at how little i get done here in a day. Practice, eat breakfast, wash clothes, make dinner. And that is it. Maybe some painting or drawing but much less than i would like. Everything seems like that. I have to accept doing less, less reading, less feldenkrais (almost none), less socializing, less ambitious in my practice too (shala is too crowded for that anyway). Maybe the trip is more about letting stuff go for me...

I thought it would be great to meet lots of other yoga people, but the reality is that meeting lots of people is exhausting and sometimes irritating (boundaries!) I'm an introvert, and would rather email than talk in person half the time. Sometimes i think if one more person asks me if i practice at eddie's, or what i do for a living, or how long i am here for...i will scream. I dont like small talk, and dont make friends easily. That said, I have met some lovely people, who seem to be evidence that this practice works. Whether it will work for me...that is tbd. Here I mostly feel more aware of how I haven't changed, of how things or people or situations push my buttons.

Such as wanting to murder the woman by the wall on the stage when she wanted more space at the wall...she had tons for a led class here, and wanted me to move my mat onto thr edge of the stage (it was about 1.5 inches from the edge)...and then she stops after supta kurmasana! (Hence not needing extra space at all). Good thing sharath doesn't read minds!

Or dealing with the security (huh?) guy at my guest house, who does nothing when you ask him for help, and then acts friendly all the sudden because he is about to ask you for a loan (wtf!)

Or trying to get anything fixed at my place...

Or buying groceries.

Or getting lost going everywhere. Feeling convinced that the streets and houses reorganized themselves when I tried to retrace my steps.

Or being afraid of getting lost and not exploring the area.

Or dealing with the rickshaws, which seem to have a cartel near the shala.

I have also felt truly lonely here too...in a really deep way. And all my little feelgood fixes don't work.

But there have also been really good things too...

Having a couple young kids be so absorbed in watching you paint...sitting at your elbow, literally. Seeing their absorption is far more interesting than anything else.

Befriending some of the outdoor dogs...

Walking through an older part of the town, seeing the mix of new and old buildings. The mix of bright colors everywhere.

Cows! Seeing cows grazing, and then rounded up by their owners to be taken home and milked.

Having fresh coconuts and then going for indian breakfast after practice.

Running into people I really want to see and having a good conversation with them. Having the time for it (unlike at home, where everyone, me included, runs around like rabbit)

And of course, practicing at the shala. The energy there is different than any I have experienced. Calmer, steadier. Quiet. How 70 people or more practicing can make less noise than 10 at my shala back home...a mystery. The soundtrack to practice is your breath and the breath of those near you, punctuated by sharath calling, one more, two more, short one, etc. I have a late start time, and lately by the time I finish assisted, no one else is waiting in the foyer for my spot. I am starting to calm down on my practice, and slow down, focusing on my breath more than I do at home. Practice here is strangely calmer than at home, when I was expecting the opposite.

I know that I want to come back.

when did ecover sell out?

Re-soaking my clothes in vinegar and lavendar castille soap, in what will likely be a futile attempt to get the stink of Ecover's Natural Delicate wash out of them! There was nothing natural in the ingredients...totally different product. Sodium laurel sulfate and other nasty ingredients in it now...and a really gnarly fragrance. Why do people need fragrances added to everything? And why is it so damn hard to find fragrance free delicate wash in this city?

Hoping lavender castille soap and vinegar will be enough for hand washing yoga clothes this week. I am actually going to return the nasty "delicate wash" to the store and complain.

And if that's not enough, discovered that the subway is not running on saturday..to my stop..so it will be shuttle bus and 2 subways at 6am, or cab (40-50 bucks including tip) at 620am, in order to get to led primary by 7am. Not going to chance getting there late.

Rant out.

yoga is NOT making me a better person, apparently

One of those moments today that shows me how far I have to go, not in the asana practice itself, but in the practice of letting go of my emotions.

At the shala this morning..someone took a blanket off my arm (which I was using to relax my tense forearm and wrist) while I was in savasana!!!! Yeah, they just made enough noise so I would open my eyes, then took the blanket--like anyone can hold a conversation in savasana. Since when do people think it is ok to disturb someone in savasana?

The person used the blanket for finishing postures...although there was another (thinner) blanket still in the basket, which I then I tried to use for my arm..but alas, I could not relax completely again.. I almost said something to the person on my way out, but I did not want to disturb her practice.

It is not so much the odd/rude behavior that bothers me now, but that it bothered me for such a long time after it happened. 

My practice this morning was ok..much less energetic. All that jump..drag..drag..drag for the jumpthroughs yesterday took its toll...on my foot. Serious cramping last night and this morning before practice. I need to learn to respect my limits, and all those vinyasas in primary seem to be exactly where I find myself at my limit. Breath, strength, and endurance in all those transitions. Every practice becomes an experiment in how to do them in a way that won't cause injury (because of too much effort) and will not mess up the flow too much. 

I did get a great assist in marichasana C. How can my teacher find so much more space for me to twist, when I think already at my limit...I could almost get a better bind on the second side because of it. Making space in twists is a real challenge for my rather untwisty body.

Practice today at least seems to have straightened my foot out, but I arrived at the shala thinking I might need to stop at UHP. Yesterday was a Tigger practice, and today was more of Pooh...don't try too hard. Breathe. Repeat.