Tuesday, December 11, 2012

don't be greedy

I used to have a close friend who would joke that I was a big greedo. Whatever he had, food, snacks, reading material, a sunny spot to sit in etc. I always wanted some of it, if he looked like he was having a better time than me.

Back at the shala.

Ok, feels like a world of practice and other changes have occurred since I posted last about practice. I am back at the shala, to make a long story short. My week of self practice was good, though I still am not immune to injuring myself when I am at home. My toe is still recovering from that botched Supta K exit. Moral of the story- don’t be greedy about making those exits or getting that pose every time. I knew right before I jumped that I shouldn’t be jumping, but I wanted to manage the exit every day that week..and sure enough, I landed really hard on my second toe on my right foot..and the rest is history. We won't go into all the pre-holiday stress I put myself through that week, that I am sure clouded my judgement (yoga as antidote to stressful life..well, it doesn't really work that way..more like pointer outer that my life is stressful, and that is the nice part) So, back to my recovery- I am still not back to jumping back in all the suryas (oddly if I land quietly when I jump back, which I can do, though not all the time, it feels fine on my toes) but I think it is slowly healing.

Practice lately has been bringing up a lot of emotions. Seems like a chicken and egg situation- do the emotions come up because of practice, or do I go practice because of these feelings, even if I don't always realize them beforehand. It has made for some weepy practices, some really and raw angry feelings after and during practice, etc lately, which has not made me want to post much about practicing.

Right now my teachers are on vacation and we have a sub at the shala. For me this is a big deal, as I am not great with change, such as getting used to new people or situations, and I have only had my shala teachers thus far. So I am trying to not get too stressed about having a different and more intense teacher for this month than I am used to. I can feel the change in the energy of the room, a bit more on edge at times and definitely more emphasis on precision in the vinyasa counts and postures. For me, this sometimes feels like information overload, even when the changes are small (and positive) ones. I feel myself working harder in the room, and experiencing many of the same things I experienced when I started practicing here (sigh). After almost having a meltdown after practice yesterday, I decided to try to go in really early, hoping that an emptier room would tamp things down a little for me.

I can either oversleep by an hour or get up an hour before (or more) my alarm…this morning I woke up at 4am..with a headache..which ended any ideas I had fostered of sleeping in till 520am. After an hour of trying to sleep more (what is it that the sleep gods have against me these days?), I decided to get up and I made it to yoga a bit before 7am, amazingly, for December. Really odd arriving there well before sunrise.

I think I managed to refuse a new pose today from this teacher..at least for now, since I got a pose last week..yikes. I feel like I am on a runaway train lately with my practice. This fall my practice has grown from stopping at garbha to stopping at supta padagustasana (and it was setu bandhasana that I refused..one pose closer to the dreaded dropbacks, which are terrifying to contemplate). Once again, it takes me 2 hours, with my slightly longer closing. Supta P has oddly not improved the standing version of this pose at all. If anything it seems to be getting worse, though that could be lack of sleep. What has improved, unexpectedly, is my ability to fold forward and jump back more quietly in the suryas, and also, really oddly, backbending. I feel like there is literally more space in my spine. Even 3 days into the practice week, when the effect of my scoot-back vinyasas have usually taken their toll on my shoulders and my backbend. This just seems so counterintuitive to me, that forward bending can improve backbending, but I will  gladly take what I can get.

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