Sunday, October 27, 2013

zzzzz zzzz zzzzzz!!!!!!

One of my favorite kid's books, from when I was a child, is verna aardema's why mosquitos buzz in people's ears. I loved the cool artwork and the crazy cause and effect story. Mosquito tells a lie to lizard..and the consequences of this cascade throughout the forest, until the sun itself is left to sleep and the forest left in darkness. This story also feels very appropriate for this time of year..when I normally get up and leave my apartment for the shala, before sunrise. What reminded me of this book, is that lately, I seem to have a very mosquito friendly apartment for reasons unknown to me. I live on the top floor, with no giant standing pools of water in my apartment..and it is cold outside at night (where do the mosquitos go in the winter, anyway?). For the second or third night this month, I have woken up to zzzz zzzz zzzzz! or just to itchy hands or arms from a mosquito mistaking me for dinner. Luckily for me, and not so much for the mosquito..the mosquito each time seems to just sit on the wall a few feet from my bed. Leave the crime scene is not in the mosquito's tiny brain. You know what happens next..ashimsa vs mosquito..well, the mosquito doesn't do so well.

mosquito telling a lie to lizard, from why mosquitos buzz in people's ears

Practice at the shala today was good despite not so much sleep last night and lousy subway connections this morning. I forgot that daylight savings time here is NEXT week, and stayed up later than I would have otherwise, thinking I had that extra hour. I guess I am happy I figured it out last night. Still no radiator heat at the shala, but the place was very full and the space heaters were chugging away. Since it was still rather cool in the room, I was stronger than usual, but not so bendy or twisty. I nearly fell backwards out of Mari D on the first side!  I tried to lift up out of  supta konasana for the proper exit. Tried. I think I got my butt off the floor (ok maybe just one side?) but the feet very definitely on the floor. How does this happen? Do I need to be able to do a proper lolasana before attempting it? Cold weather and the first practice or two of the week is always good for vinyasas and transitions because I need to maintain some heat in my practice and they are really calming to do. More so than the asanas at times, because I need total focus to do them.

The dropback angst is on the wane...Today was the second time that I did not have a great mental resistance to the idea of doing dropbacks. It just happens. I think some of this is because I am now working on coming up from the floor after the last UD (for normal folks that would be the 3rd one..for me it is number 5 or 6, while I try to get my legs to wake up so that my back can open up, so I can walk my hands in..and so on). I discovered that my method of standing up from dropbacks is by relying a bit too much on pushing with my hands/arms...or not pushing enough with my legs (hence the stumbling back). When I tried to "push" my pelvis forward..and push through the legs when I am in that last UD..nada, though the cold air in the shala was not helping at all. I will try to remember to imagine pushing tomorrow when I am doing my UDs..maybe that would help. Seems like I am a long way from coming up unassisted in that last one..but the assists for it seem to be solidifying my ability to drop back and then stand up on my own - today I was 4 for 4. All stumbly. The best I could manage today was to keep my left foot glued down and the right foot takes a big step back, and that was only for 2 of them. 

After that excitment, it was time to bundle up for savasana. shirt, wool sweater, knitted wool shawl and yoga blanket..and a hat! My hands and feet were freezing in the finishing room, since my hair was still damp and my clothes too (cold air doesn't prevent me from sweating), and the lack of sleep I have had since the whole standing up from dropbacks thing started isn't helping my circulation.

I did celebrate the no dropack angst afterwards with a good chocolate croissant, and a good book - the brain that changes itself..might deserve a post of it's own. 

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

zombies..errrr, dropbacks ate my brain

Today's inner dropback dialogue-

do I have to do these again today? why am i doing this to myself? this isn't fun at all.

where's the teacher? can I just ask her to help me today because I am too tired?

Ok, guess I will try one on my own. (nothing doing..arms seem to have forgotten how to go up. plop!)

second one (Plop! bang! dust myself off and get up)

third dice still

yeah, I finally managed them. Fairly sloppy, but up is up. It is so odd..being able to stand up is so much more mentally angsty right now than not being able to stand up was a couple weeks ago. I definitely am starting to catalogue all the ways to fall while standing..and I think I am setting the record for the largest scoot back while standing up...yes, my upper body was very very sluggish today.

I am supposed to start learning how to come up from the floor after the last urdhva dhanurasana. Soon. Probably means tomorrow, knowing my teacher.

So glad friday is a moon day..hope I can just get through tomorrow's practice without injuring myself..given that I have a feldenkrais training this weekend, and somehow that tends to mean I do something stupid right before.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Stumbly but still going...

Thank god tomorrow I have off for LH. My legs feel like putty after 3 days in a row of dropping back and standing up. Each day's attempts seems to get progressively more clumsy, as my back feels a bit less open in the colder weather, and my legs feel more tired. The first day was 3 for 3, with two where my feet stayed put (like magic!); yesterday took about 7 or 8 tries, with only 1 no stumble stand-up, and today again took about 8 tries..falling falling falling on my butt til I just decided I was going to do it. None were pretty, but I managed the requisite three. Standing up seems to depend on timing more than strength. The idea of taking my arms forward is just not quite in my nervous system I landed on my butt..a lot today. I also realized that I don't like having a wall in front of me when I am backbending..I like the feeling of a more open space..although I never stumble forward when standing up.

While I am happy to be able to do is the flip side that has me down this week. Sleep o how I miss you!!! I am dead tired half the day and then anxious before I go to sleep, which leads to more anxiousness than sleep. How long does this phase last, anyway? It really sucks.

I did celebrate today with good coffee and a chocolate croissant. Oddly not feeling exhausted yet today, but I slept in (if you could call it that) and extra 1/2 hour because that gave me a total of just under 5hrs sleep yet again, which is definitely NOT enough to do full primary and work a full day.

Hopefully I will post later this week on my recent feldenkrais trainings, but I just have not had the time.

Monday, October 7, 2013

It wasn't a fluke yesterday

Stood up from all 3 dropbacks today. For the first two, I even managed to keep my feet in place. Oddly, it felt so much easier than what I was doing before. Plus the super sauna/sweaty practices of yesterday and today certainly helped to open up my back - backbending felt good today (that almost NEVER happens). Does this mean 2nd is on the horizon? Not looking forward to that.

No celebrating with chocolate after practice time. The coffee guy gave me a free I guess that was my treat.

The only lousy side effect of standing up on my own was that I had a really hard time falling asleep last night..especially annoying after being exhausted all afternoon! The backbending is unleashing a new wave of that I am having a hard time tamping down to go to sleep. I do hope this is a phase that passes relatively quickly. I have too many feldenkrais trainings coming up in the next couple months, plus I will be teaching my first weekly feldenkrais class starting next month.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

did it!

flourless chocolate yummmmmmmmm from a bakery near the shala...

Spent all weekend at a feldenkrais training, so I guess I should not be surprised that I managed to stand up this morning. arms new mantra. well, who was exciting at least for a few minutes.

not gonna think about tomorrow..not gonna think about tomorrow....not gonna think about tomorrow.

that chocolate thing is too rich to eat everyday, but it was amazing.