Still much frustration with practice. Ready to bag it..I mean the whole thing, at times. Not just the shala. New gimp this week, that is a variation on some very old gimp - inner upper thigh soreness- praying it is not hamstring attachment or other connective tissue soreness. Or some new thing with supta padagusthasana, kurmasana, or even baddha konasana, as I have been getting much stronger adjustments from this teacher. I am trying to be more cautious, but it is not helping. Very little seems to actually cause discomfort in practice, and I am trying to avoid those things, but still I am sore afterwards. Plus still stressed about practicing with a teacher who is not my regular teacher. I feel like I am expected to do things that I don't feel comfortable doing, and which play on my need to feel safe in order to do anything safely. I feel like this would not have happened if my regular teacher was here..but who knows. Easy to make that sort of statement now.
I baked bread last night, to bring into the shala today for the holiday. Spelt challah with raisins and walnuts. Spelt dough resembles those mystery meal drawings from calvin and hobbes, where his food fights back. Gooey and gluey, but it turned out pretty good for a first attempt.
Lately, I have been wondering why, as in why am I doing this crazy practice. What does it mean? What have I gotten from it.
Or in the words of one of my favorite poets, Philip Levine, from Coming Close:
"Make no mistake, the place has a language,
and if by some luck the power were cut,
the wheel slowed to a stop so that you
suddenly saw it was not a solid object
but so many separate bristles forming
in motion a perfect circle, she would turn
to you and say, "Why?" Not the old why
of why must I spend five nights a week?