the princess and the pea

Last night I managed to got to bed by 1040pm to get up at 445am (yikes)..and practice at home because of a site visit out on long island. It was a "speed practice" for me..to be done in a bit less than 2 hours; especially as my focus flagged a bit as I tried to rush to fit everything in (not following my original plan!). Still, it was much better than nothing. I actually liked practicing that early, seeing it get light out. It felt good to be alone, and when my focus was there, I almost preferred it to practicing with the group. Physically, I definitely don't work quite as hard on my own, though I don't think that that is necessarily bad either.  Instead of practicing on my good mat and rug, which are much easier on the hands and feet, I only have my crappy jade mat and a towel. Plus my crazy sloped living room floor (though it does help with navasana). I live in an old apartment building that has settled in interesting ways. How did I think that the jade mat was so wonderful before? I could feel the floor through the mat, as in sinking through the mat to the floor. How did I get so fussy about this?  

Practice highlights included a much improved UHP. Yeah, I still fall out of it on the second side, at the end..but I could mentally coax myself into doing the posture and not...well..feeling like there is some injustice going on. There is no one but me and my mat..and the posture must happen, in whatever form. I also managed to bind in supta K. Hard to keep the fingertip hold once I crossed my feet, but it was there, for the first time this month. And coming up in bhuja is improving, slowly..still can't really lead with my head. Backbending was rushed and eh..whatever improvement happened earlier this week was not there in my colder apartment and pre-LH body.

As far as home vs shala practice. I like both, but I think I still need to practice mostly at the shala.

Coming home today, I ran into my neighbor who is being evicted. He is elderly and not able to take care of himself (not sure what happened with his wife). He used to scare me; he had really severe dementia (though it seems better now), and there was that day, years ago, when he tried to follow me into my apartment (we live on the same line of apartments) because he was locked out, and couldn't remember that this was not his home. He was a big guy then..and surprisingly spry for his age..I didn't hear him get up off the stairs and bound to the door..but the pounding on the door afterwards made me panic. I didn't want to call the cops, because he was an old man..but I didn't know what to do, and a little while later my boyfriend came home to him pounding on the door..he sent the old man back downstairs, and found me upset in the apartment. After that, I avoided him..and only in the past year, have I made an effort to at least say hello. Tonight, when I saw him in the lobby, I asked about the notice and whether he had a place to stay. Not sure what will happen with him; he needs care, and the apartment I know is a mess. Still, I hate to see someone forced out of their home.

Looking forward to a big LH breakfast tomorrow. 

and it's back on..

My new 4 day a week schedule. New project came through in the end. Meanwhile, I already re-signed my lease, thinking the new project schedule, pay, etc would not happen, so why (and how!) could I move and pay more than I do now. I may have to re-think that decision in a couple months, but for now, at least, I don't want to revisit it.

It's been a month of rethinking everything. Stay in my feldenkrais training, or quit; do a yoga teacher training, or not; move to a new apartment, or stay in my place; look for another p/t job (ok, never got far on that one), move out of nyc; stay at the shala, or practice at home to save $. And so on. Self-doubt is exhausting, mentally and physically. It is as if mercury retrograde arrived 3 weeks early.

Overall, more hours and much needed additional pay will be welcome. Maybe now that it is a done deal, it will be easier for me to cope with it. All this month, my feelings of being overwhelmed have been seeping back into my practice. Today I had to fight off a really strong desire to start crying on my mat, because I just couldn't do my last pose. While this is nothing new, not being able to do it without an assist, the frustration was new..and was not just about the pose. I couldn't manage to feel playful about it, which is my desired attitude when working on hard poses. I did manage to stay put, make another attempt, and go on and finish my practice. Backbending has been improving, slowly. I discovered last week, in fact, that placing my hands a bit wider at least allows me to breathe a bit easier.

I fear working on dropping back (and the ever mysterious coming back up-this seems completely impossible, yet I see people do it every day)  is coming...soon.

Moonday breakfast

Last night, I tried making the baked apple oatmeal recipe from Kate O'Donnell's blog, click here for recipe. I halved the amount of sugar, and replaced it with more applesauce. I don't think it needs sugar at all, and I think it will be more filling without the sugar, maybe adding some chopped walnuts to it. That said, it is a wonderful base recipe, for customizing.

My work schedule, and apartment hunting is up in the air again..my extra hours went away, and now look like they will return. It's been a bumpy month.

what i need most right now

a duplicator! does it duplicate the citta vrittis too?

 

One of me could look at apartments while another was at work..and another is sitting having coffee and reading a book.

Feeling pretty squished schedule-wise this month. Looking for a new place to live while adding 1 day a week to my work schedule, on top of 1 hr commute each way, and 2 hrs at yoga each day, and supposedly being in that felden training program (that's gone for the month)..by today I no longer have any idea what day of the week it is. 

Hoping for a blizzard tomorrow night. Just to force me to slow down. Cancelled apartment looking that was supposed to happen at lunchtime and just will see one place tonight. Apartment hunting in nyc sucks, as you need 2 incomes to get anything decent and not so far away.

Made it to practice today. Seriously, that was my big accomplishment, after 2 days off for ladies holiday. 

saturday practice

eating a big breakfast at home.

buckwheat banana bread. no wheat recipe. yay! I think buckwheat (which is apparently a fruit seed) is my favorite alternative flour to wheat. I also like how it turns dark when baked, makes me think of chocolate.

recipe taken from here. A good not so sweet tasting quickbread.

I forgot to add salt last night when I made this, but it didn't seem to affect it at all. Plus the dough was well behaved and not a sticky gooey mess as with my first spelt challah attempt. Nothing like winter blahs and apartment hunting stress to make me want to bake.