Friday, April 12, 2013

what was i so worried about?

I at least won't have to go into work this weekend. Felt like I finally caught up a little, and I can only do so much. Working on the weekend (hmm. I honestly can't remember the last time I had to do this) would just exhaust me further, and I really need a break this weekend. I almost look forward to when my boss returns, just to be free of random interruptions by the new coworker to be shown cool things on the computer.

Going to cab it to the chinatown Y tomorrow for led primary. Better than worrying about the long trek by subway.

Continued panic attack feeling during practice today. Even in backbending. OY. That was HARD. I have to work on changing my routine (goodbye ginger and coffee and things like that, though I still had decaf at work..which didn't help me feel awake and made me jittery). I could barely feel anything today during practice, except panic and sadness, and afterwards I was so sore and tired. In the finishing room, I set my rug next to my mat, to create a little space for myself, because I was feeling emotional, and don't want to cry with someone a foot away from me. The room wasn't full at all, and there is plenty of space for people to set up. So, someone sets up near my mat and below my rug...grrr. I was feeling the need for space! This same person set up 2 inches away from me the day before when I was in standing, and I fell out of my pose, and freaked out. Really, they had to be that close? I'm not always like that about space, but in my present state of mind, I seem to need more personal space.

Drinking lemon zinger tea (hope that won't keep me up..) and finishing a late post dinner snack of kale with miso and brown rice.

Anyway, for all my worrying about it, led primary can't be too much worse than how practice felt today. What will be will be. Even a half primary would be good with that big group.

Can't get this song out of my head today..seems apt too.


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