cranky

yeah, the summer heat makes me cranky.

Finally survived (barely) all my work deadlines. Enough at least to want to hibernate most of the holiday weekend, which was easier to do than usual, because of the rest day plus a rather late ladies holiday. I did get to practice teach my atm lesson to friends in my training program, and that was very very enlightening. The major challenge of the teaching test isn't figuring out the atm lesson (although my lesson is a foot lesson..and not easy for me to do), but working with the other members of my teaching group --which has been nothing short of utter disaster..one is injured and probably won't participate and the other is on the "difficult" side..though she doesn't mean to be that way, and I have been working so much last month that I had hardly any time for dealing with this. Somehow I also became the organizer of the group. bleah!

Practice has been tough, but it is what has been holding me together, so to speak. I am having a new round of emotional reactions to practice. Crankiness, crossness and general irritability afterwards (dropback induced I bet) or just plain ole sadness. Sunday, I really needed to have a good cry right after, but the shala wasn't empty and I didn't have enough time before sanskrit class. Other days I find myself starting to panic in savasana - I can feel myself not breathing (enough). Very very disconcerting. Still, I feel better and more grounded on the whole the days I practice than the days I do not.

And there are the dropbacks. It is getting a bit easier. I am now fairly convinced I can land on the ground..still pretty much stuck once I land. I can walk in a bit, but I think I am scared of getting myself in the correct configuration to come back up (if we just stop and imagine that I have the strength to come back up..which I dont think i have yet..but stranger things have happened.) Thus far, the best day was sometime last week, when my teacher made a point of doing less to bring me back up from the ground. Whoa.

Glad I only have 2 more weeks (today included) til I am off for a week, for my 10 day training. Hopefully in August, I will finally get out of town for a bit.