Wednesday, July 18, 2012

disorientation, double bhuja and injured again

Twice this week my pinkies touched the floor (assisted) in prasarita padottanasana C. The first time (Sunday) was so disorienting: I felt like I was standing on the ceiling and reaching down to touch the floor. Afterwards, I actually had to ask my teacher if that was the floor! It made me think how infrequently we let our sense of control go, because knowing your orientation in space is a sort of control. It was a total surprise to me, but I guess my arms and hands were quite a bit closer than I thought. I tried to pay attention to it this week, and could not tell much: it is hard to determine how close my arms are to the ground once I am partially upside down. 

More work on bhuja this week, namely trying to do the exit. I asked my teacher a question about it, and was rewarded by having to try it again. Keeping my arms a bit wider and making sure my hands are straight (I tend to turn one out in my down dog) helps a lot with the pressure on my wrists, while trying to squeeze my arms with my thighs is more of an idea than an actual action. Since I have gotten bhuja, my body has reacted with a round robin of new sore areas, after every practice. The latest was sore sides, which was probably also from my improved (mostly) jumping through. I finally started to get the vinyasa to flow more, and to be able to jump through (bumpily) more consistently. I was really starting to enjoy this new feeling of a more dynamic flow in my practice. 

The downside of the jumping through, is, however, missing the mark! I really bruised my right foot, in the line of the pinky toe, when I dragged it through in my landing, somewhere around mari B. Before that, I was finally feeling like my wrist isses were under control, my ankle had healed and I was surviving the rocky first weeks of bhuja and jumping through. The yoga gods give, and they taketh away. Yes, it is hours later, and I am over the first mental panic over this. I am very happy tomorrow is a moon day. Hoping the ibuprofen will help, and that I didn't somehow give myself a stress fracture.

Finally, I watched Kino's video about the experience of practicing in Mysore. Oh, I do want to go at some point. I have felt that way since I started this practice, but also fear it being too much for me ( if I would only not push myself so much, even inadvertently, I might not constantly be injuring myself). My favorite part was her talking about how being in Guruji's presence made her physical pain from an old injury go away once and for all. She spoke of how pain is really something in the mind, that the mind creates (both the physical and the mental kinds), and is a pattern that can be changed both with practice and especially in the presence your teacher. It reminds me that I can still practice with an injury, especially as injuries bring up the trifecta of fear, anger and the desire to give up.

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