learning to fall

Last week, I got bhujapidasana, much to my surprise. I guess navasana, while not easy, and still a long way from good, is not killing my hip flexors so much anymore. When I started on that pose, I would feel so sore and weak in my hip flexors afterwards that I could barely hold up my legs to step back (jumping was out of the question). I am learning the value of falling from bhuja, falling being something that generally I want to avoid in my yoga practice (and in my life). Sometimes I think that worrying about falling takes much more energy than doing the pose.

So back to bhujapidasana: I managed to jump back from bakasana for the first time ever, with my teacher watching me (the next day was a total fail as I assumed I would continue to get an assist in it). I do have a tendency to fall on my butt, either getting into the pose, or lifting my head back up (even with my feet on the ground). What I have discovered is that if I am relaxed about it, falling doesn't hurt my wrists (while taking it too seriously, and falling out, does hurt them). Falling makes me feel like a little kid again...oh, I fell, whoops! Hee hee. I must be more relaxed all over - it is the first time I have connected not worrying or maybe also not over-efforting to a more steady practice, even with the falling. I think it is better for me to fall sometimes than to hold on for dear life, in order to stay balanced.

I have no worries about falling out of this pose, in contrast to a certain other standing pose that shall remain nameless. Maybe one day (soon, perhaps? though most likely, not), I will learn to bring this level of acceptance of my practice into the other pose, and more importantly, bring this level of equanimity to my life off the mat.