zombies..errrr, dropbacks ate my brain

Today's inner dropback dialogue-

do I have to do these again today? why am i doing this to myself? this isn't fun at all.

where's the teacher? can I just ask her to help me today because I am too tired?

Ok, guess I will try one on my own. (nothing doing..arms seem to have forgotten how to go up. plop!)

second one (Plop! bang! dust myself off and get up)

third one..no dice still

yeah, I finally managed them. Fairly sloppy, but up is up. It is so odd..being able to stand up is so much more mentally angsty right now than not being able to stand up was a couple weeks ago. I definitely am starting to catalogue all the ways to fall while standing..and I think I am setting the record for the largest scoot back while standing up...yes, my upper body was very very sluggish today.

I am supposed to start learning how to come up from the floor after the last urdhva dhanurasana. Soon. Probably means tomorrow, knowing my teacher.

So glad friday is a moon day..hope I can just get through tomorrow's practice without injuring myself..given that I have a feldenkrais training this weekend, and somehow that tends to mean I do something stupid right before.

Stumbly but still going...

Thank god tomorrow I have off for LH. My legs feel like putty after 3 days in a row of dropping back and standing up. Each day's attempts seems to get progressively more clumsy, as my back feels a bit less open in the colder weather, and my legs feel more tired. The first day was 3 for 3, with two where my feet stayed put (like magic!); yesterday took about 7 or 8 tries, with only 1 no stumble stand-up, and today again took about 8 tries..falling falling falling on my butt til I just decided I was going to do it. None were pretty, but I managed the requisite three. Standing up seems to depend on timing more than strength. The idea of taking my arms forward is just not quite in my nervous system yet..so I landed on my butt..a lot today. I also realized that I don't like having a wall in front of me when I am backbending..I like the feeling of a more open space..although I never stumble forward when standing up.

While I am happy to be able to do this..it is the flip side that has me down this week. Sleep o how I miss you!!! I am dead tired half the day and then anxious before I go to sleep, which leads to more anxiousness than sleep. How long does this phase last, anyway? It really sucks.

I did celebrate today with good coffee and a chocolate croissant. Oddly not feeling exhausted yet today, but I slept in (if you could call it that) and extra 1/2 hour because that gave me a total of just under 5hrs sleep yet again, which is definitely NOT enough to do full primary and work a full day.

Hopefully I will post later this week on my recent feldenkrais trainings, but I just have not had the time.

It wasn't a fluke yesterday

Stood up from all 3 dropbacks today. For the first two, I even managed to keep my feet in place. Oddly, it felt so much easier than what I was doing before. Plus the super sauna/sweaty practices of yesterday and today certainly helped to open up my back - backbending felt good today (that almost NEVER happens). Does this mean 2nd is on the horizon? Not looking forward to that.

No celebrating with chocolate after practice today..no time. The coffee guy gave me a free bialy..so I guess that was my treat.

The only lousy side effect of standing up on my own was that I had a really hard time falling asleep last night..especially annoying after being exhausted all afternoon! The backbending is unleashing a new wave of anxiety..one that I am having a hard time tamping down to go to sleep. I do hope this is a phase that passes relatively quickly. I have too many feldenkrais trainings coming up in the next couple months, plus I will be teaching my first weekly feldenkrais class starting next month.

did it!

flourless chocolate yummmmmmmmm from a bakery near the shala...

Spent all weekend at a feldenkrais training, so I guess I should not be surprised that I managed to stand up this morning. arms forward..my new mantra. well, who knows..it was exciting at least for a few minutes.

not gonna think about tomorrow..not gonna think about tomorrow....not gonna think about tomorrow.

that chocolate thing is too rich to eat everyday, but it was amazing.

JINX! #^%!

Impaled the third toe on my right foot this morning. Jumping through, after supta padagusthasana. I really thought I was done with this sort of stupid injury, as the last time was last thanksgiving. I was wearing my favorite black boots this morning just thinking how I was at least strong enough now not to do this to myself (jinx!) The boots, of course, will once again be verboten, while the toe heals this fall. Damn.

The toe is a similar color to my burgundy danskos, which thank god I had at work.

It's been one thing after another this month. First, the crazy illness, then my lower back went nuts from too much lying down on my old futon..and now, as that is slowly healing..whacking my toe. On the positive side, it has completely distracted me from my usual dropback induced pissy-ness post practice, which makes it hard for me to be on the subway some mornings.

Does chocolate make bruises heal faster?

moon day music

Can't wait to hear/see this piece again, when it opens at the Cloisters next week. Not to be missed, if you live in the city. I first experienced it at moma years ago, and was dumbstruck. I must have stayed in the room for an hour (the tallis piece is about 13 min long), utterly moved by the music washing across the room. It is an experience of music that you don;t normally have; even from my days singing in choirs, it never felt like this.

I am still home, sick, though feeling better than yesterday. The whole fever and chills thing is no fun, especially when the ibuprofen/echinacea/vitamin c and homeopathic combo I was taking seemed to have no effect yesterday. I forgot about the healing power of a lot of sleep. Guess that's no surprise as I don't get a lot of sleep normally. I still need to venture outside later, to buy cough medicine and other supplies. Good thing I keep my fridge well stocked, so that a couple days at home isn't an issue. I also have to decide whether to trek to nj tomorrow to see my family for new year's dinner. If it wasn't such a long trip 3+ hours each way, and requiring staying overnight at my aunt's, I would be a lot more enthused right now.

speaking of sleep, it's probably time for another nap.

hope i will feel like doing some sort of minimal practice tomorrow.

update..i found out who i caught this hell virus from...my new mantra- no sharing food with anyone anymore! bailed on visiting family tomorrow, as i know i wont be anywhere near 100% and i wont be able to eat much of a dinner at my stepmom's. being ill is not the time to mess with skimpy meals, because i don't eat meat.

luck is definitely on your side today..

according to my horoscope.

not.

since i am sick, really sick for the first time in over a year...complete with the self pity that goes with it. skipped practice today, of course. been flat on my back mostly, think i may not make it to work tomorrow either.

I realized that since I started that feldenkrais program, i have not had a vacation. It meets for long weekends and a couple 10 day segments, so those have been my vacations..when i can get the days off. This way of doing things has to change.

Got my passport in the mail last week. Much prettier than the old one. I think it needs to be christened with some stamps.

on the practice front, I am wondering if i am doing too much..as with everything else. Dropbacks are improving. Learning to keep my pelvis more forward as i go down, and as i come back up. Earlier in the week seems to be the best time for me, since my stamina is greater then. Still no more standing up on my own..a few almost's with my teacher there.

i think it is time to finish my tea and take another nap. i wish i had some comic books..but my energy to read is pretty low right now.