Thursday, June 14, 2012

why is it so hard to do less?

Lately, when I am on my way to the shala, I tell myself to go easy on my wrist: do less vinyasas as this would better for me in the long run. Once I start my practice, however, this inner dialogue goes out the window, and I go through the whole thing. I sometimes skip a couple vinyasas in the maris, but I know I should skip even more, until my wrist is really feeling better.

This morning was the same. Managed to skip 5 vinyasas..and uti pluthi (lifted up, decided it was not the best for my wrist and came right down..not sure if that was the problem all along). I am much less sore than yesterday, but still nowhere near- normal.  

Is it the energy of the room (which seems pretty low key), my own ego, and/or a sort of autopilot that switches on during practice? I think it is mostly ego, and fear: fear of losing any hard won strength, even at the risk of further injury. Hmm...definitely not very yogic sounding. (and if I am doing it with this simple but annoying injury..where else am I doing this sort of thing in my life..oh, not a topic to contemplate here) I am not pushing through pain so much as feeling more tension in my arm/wrist than should be there..and sometimes feeling sensation or discomfort when I let my weight onto my wrist in certain ways...which I try hard to avoid. Working around an injury makes practice more tiring because of the constant attention to it, sometimes at the expense of spreading the attention around to the rest of my body and breath.  With summer (assuming this year has a real summer) coming up, I also need to not exhaust myself with my practice. Hot weather has never been easy for me. I want to have energy to take dance classes and/or go to outdoor dance events.

Back to the issue of doing less. I have the same trouble at times with the feldenkrais: it is oddly more challenging to do less. Doing less means paying more attention to what you are doing, and that can be both surprising and truly exhausting. But I also know from the past 9 months of training, that I have gained so much from learning how to do less, in this context. My body is more flexible, I feel like I move more easily, and it healed my ankle injury.

This weekend, I am thinking of taking a feldenkrais workshop -the Challenge of Pleasure-with Alan Questal. From the description: Did you ever think it could be a challenge for you to have more pleasure in your life? Or could you imagine experiencing greater pleasure when you are faced with a challenge? Pleasure and challenge, experiences that are too often exclusive of each other, will be the focus of this two-day workshop.

I am getting acupuncture and a massage late on Friday, so it may come down to how rested I feel Saturday morning.

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