As if it were so easy.
Savasana Addict had a great post this week about how we react when things get hard..in practice, both on and off the mat. I have been noticing my tendency to want to do anything..anything other than do what needs to be done when things get difficult, especially when something feels UN-doable. Like my last pose, you roll up, or you don't. In my case, I get 1/2 way up and bang, back down again. Rinse and repeat. It is the first time in practice where I am confronted with something that feels impossible..and there is no -easier way- to do the pose (as bent legs are not allowed, not that that might even help). Once up, I can do the rest of the pose..but that doesn't seem to register in my mind. Once I jump through and am sitting in dandasana, the first thought that pops into my mind is "oh, I can't do this pose". Not a very auspicious beginning. I noticed it more than once this week. My teacher said I should replace that thought with "I can do this pose". Easier said than done.
It is interesting because, there are so many other things I can't do (yet) in the practice - jump back, lower and lift in bhuja without using my feet to help, straight legs in the lift into kurmasana, not make funny breathing/squeaking (egads!) noises on most days. What I notice about these things, is that I don't spend a lot of energy telling myself I can't do them. I try and move on, but the last pose, it pushes my buttons every time. I need an assist to get up into it, and that is the first time (other than with UHP) that I have needed an assist every day in a pose, in order to do it at all.
It is the energy of telling myself to give up, that I can't do something that is such a drain on me. When other things get tough, as I have to find a new apartment next month, that is both cheaper and closer to work and, more importantly, the shala, I just want to stick my head in the sand about it. Same with my feldenkrais training program; I spend so much energy wondering, will I be able to learn to do this, or will I be sucessful as a practitioner. I want to know the outcome will be good before I put the energy in to learn it. Doubt is a big big energy sink.
No idea, really, on how to replace these thoughts..but I am just noticing them, and hopefully I will learn not to be too hard on myself for thinking them in the first place.