Monday, January 28, 2013

snow, sleet and obstacles

I can hear the sleet falling; making a crackling sound as it hits the windows and the air conditioner at the office. I really wish we would have a proper snow here, as I love the way it makes the city look (well, at least for 12 hours or so), all clean and light and bright.

I watched Kino's mysore video again. I really love what she has to say about what goes on in your mind when you practice. Sometimes I wonder if it is her openness to admit that those sorts of thoughts can come up which is what leads to people not liking her teaching. Who wants to admit to unpleasant thoughts, let alone a certified teacher. Whatever. Listening to a lot of her recorded talks on her website, especially ones about strength, inspired me to start this practice. I hope I will get a chance to study with her at some point.

Today was definitely an obstacle heavy practice. Two days off did not do either my body or mind any good this time. Spent most of the suryas wanting to tell a woman near me to move her mat into a row rather than between them (really). It took all my mental effort not to say something as I knew the teacher would tell her to move..but the thoughts lingered festered on long past. Falling out of UHP (mental block, tired too, but it is totally mental as I can feel myself just wanting to give up) was the next. By the maris, I really was wishing myself elsewhere, and wanted bag practice and to cry too. Lifting up to scoot back seems to have steadily gotten worse (did I gain weight? not enough sleep? ). Squeaky breathing sounds too throughout practice. oy vey. 

I managed to stay put and practice. Ah the sweet relief of getting to kurmasana today, where things sort of evened out emotionally. I did stay in the main room for finishing since I wanted to take advantage of the emotional stability in the room. My teacher left me alone today, mostly, with good reason. So much of what I have to deal with is trying to find some sense of stability on the mat (and off it too), especially when I have any additional stress in my life.

Sleet seems to have stopped, or maybe it is just the wind that has shifted.

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